You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
