apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
