I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize