if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True strength comes from lack of pants
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
