no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
