It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
