i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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