Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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