Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
