Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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