I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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