I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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