I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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