I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
