I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Randomize
