So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
