Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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