I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
