My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
