i think my tv is drunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
