I met the friendliest cop last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
