eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
