And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
