I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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