they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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