Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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