Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They took my balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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