there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize