I bet he comes in French.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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