He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
