Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
