we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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