u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
