She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize