Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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