Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
