please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
