I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
