So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
