you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize