you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
