Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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