So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
