there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
