They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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