Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
