College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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