Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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