haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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