I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
