Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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