just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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