so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize