Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
wow bdsm is so cute
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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