I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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