90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
