Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
