if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
soo... how was my night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
