Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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