You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
