Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
