Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
