If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
