The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
