Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
