So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
