wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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