I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
