Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
