just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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