So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
